The seeker differs from others through a fundamental distrust of ‘settling-down’ into conventional life. This resistance often stems from refusing to relinquish the magic and wisdom of childhood for a habitual existence.
The Initial Journey
When we first claim authority over our own path, we face a pivotal choice: abandon our childhood dreams to ‘grow up,’ or follow our hearts despite societal pressures. Most of us attempt both, lacking the wisdom and faith to choose definitively. We might pursue a conventional life while channeling our deeper yearnings into hobbies or interests. Yet true alchemical transformation rarely emerges from comfort – it’s forged in the crucible of strife, conflict, and suffering. Progress demands we understand and ultimately transcend our existing knowledge.
The Path of Material Success
The alchemical path requires intellectual rigor, particularly without a master’s guidance. This academic inclination often leads to material success, as was my experience in medicine. Yet as I advanced through the medical ranks, my deeply held ideals of ‘goodness’ increasingly conflicted with any genuine satisfaction. While I valued making a difference, the humanitarian dilemmas of healthcare and the narrow ideologies of success led to silent despair.
Understanding Samsara and Nirvana
Samsara and Nirvana exist as two sides of the same coin. Nirvana’s elusiveness stems not from its distance but its immediacy – it exists right before us. While our minds restlessly chase desires in Samsara, Nirvana represents perfect contentment in simple being. For many, Samsara suffices, their minds satisfied with material pursuits. However, seekers find such ‘success’ increasingly hollow, like childhood Christmas presents that bring fleeting joy before fading into emptiness.
The Nature of Suffering
Buddhism identifies three fundamental types of suffering (dukkha):
- Dukkha-dukkha: The obvious suffering of physical and mental pain
- Viparinama-dukkha: The suffering inherent in change and impermanence
- Sankhara-dukkha: The existential suffering embedded in conditioned existence
The Crisis of Achievement
The achievement of dreams often brings unexpected emptiness. Despite extensive knowledge and apparent success, I found myself confused by persistent dissatisfaction. Before the breakthrough in awareness, we can only perceive through the lens of self, missing answers that lie directly before us. Our minds fixate on desires and fears, rendering everything between these polarities invisible.
The Dark Night
Depression infiltrates existence as subtle dissatisfaction becomes pervasive. The seeker’s growing suspicion of Samsara can manifest as a descent into darkness, reflecting the Qlipphoth – the shadow aspects of Kabbalistic mysticism. This darkness can spiral into addiction, rejection, and isolation, deepening the sense of despair.
Transformation
The path forward requires shedding our constructed self – a painful process like removing an adherent layer of skin. This transformation often demands solitude and involves significant mental distress as we release all previous concepts of being. We begin as wanderers, inevitably drawn into the night’s darkness.
Resolution
Yet this wandering through darkness becomes the seeker’s illumination. The journey transcends destination, becoming a process of transformation where the boundaries between Samsara and Nirvana dissolve. In surrendering the illusory self, we discover our deeper essence, resting in eternal presence. Here, the seeker becomes alchemist, transmuting suffering into wisdom and darkness into light.
Further Reading
Buddhist Concepts
Video Resources
- Ajahn Punnadhammo’s Channel – Teachings on Buddhist philosophy and practice
- Buddhist Society of Western Australia – Dhamma talks
Recommended Books
- “The Heart of Buddhist Meditation” by Nyanaponika Thera
- “The Three Pillars of Zen” by Philip Kapleau
- “The Dark Night of the Soul” by St. John of the Cross
- “Man and His Symbols” by Carl Jung